2) “I’m sure you know his spirit is with you.” (yes, but what about my empty home, bed and arms)
3) “I know how you feel.” (no, unless this has also happened to you, you don’t have a clue.)
4) The day after Dave died – “I can’t believe how badly I feel and how much I am missing him.” (without at least a nod to that my loss and grieving our 25 years together is probably greater than yours) “Can I have some of his clothes to wear because it would make me feel so much better?” (maybe or maybe not but seriously?!)
5) Four and a half months after his death – emailing me to say that you had a dream about my David and interpreting it to say that his message was for both of us to start dating now. (speechless and hurt because this was supposed to be a friend – serious boundary jump)
I do get it. It’s awkward. You may not know what to do or say. If you have a thought that what you are about to say, write or email is insensitive or intrusive, DON’T share it. I don’t know what I am doing either. For over 30 years, I was single. For 25 years, I was with David Beynon Pena (married almost 20 of them). As my amazing Gilda’s Club support group reminds me, I am still Alison Pena. Uncharted territory with no map.