Select Page

Vulnerability Day 9 Sept 6, 2016 Don’t Tell Mama cabaret workshop performance

#30daysofvulnerability2017 #badwidow #cancercaregiver #day9
When David Beynon Pena was sick, I had to find activities that brought me joy, even in the face of our horrific circumstances, and singing has always been my purest form of self-expression. So I took two cabaret performance workshops and, with my fellow performers, sang three solo songs each at the Duplex and Don’t Tell Mama.

This performance was Tuesday, September 6th, and Dave had been on 24/7 oxygen for six days. He helped me practice my songs the week before, coaching me in short phrases between the shh shh sound of the oxygen tank. Dave was glad I went, encouraged me to go, loved to hear me sing.

I was so torn. It felt like the most selfish thing in the world. But I knew soon I would be going on alone without him and that time was clearly coming faster and faster. I knew I wasn’t going to get weeks, but days. I knew he wasn’t going to make it to our 20th anniversary. I HAD to do what I could to make myself whole, and that meant song. Even though I cried. Even though four days after this show, he died in my arms at home.

What can you do for yourself when you are exhausted and depleted of joy?