Vulnerability Day 7 #30daysofvulnerability2017 #badwidow #cancercaregiver #day7
These are photos of Dave’s studio after two months and about 300 hours of focused work. It’s overwhelming.
I had a wonderful supportive conversation with an artist friend of ours a couple of days ago. At the end, he started talking about the importance of carrying on my husband’s legacy and not letting his career die.
First, I have to sort out the studio – equipment, materials, paintings, books. And I do have dreams of showing David’s work, selling his paintings, building the palette and other artist materials he designed on paper, publishing the book he finished, and other books too out of his 375 illustrated lesson plans and decades of sketch books.
I wanted to cry, “But what about ME?”
I have my own Affluence Code consulting business, which I am relaunching (after a hiatus while Dave was sick). I am launching my bad widow consulting business, including being booked for speaking engagements and creating digital products.
I love to spend time with family and friends, play, learn new things and travel. Still, some days, I have trouble getting out of bed and most days, I cry. I’m trying to do it all and there’s not enough me to go around. My dreams for myself and my dreams for carrying on David Beynon Pena’s legacy are all mine now. And, with all the amazing love and support I am blessed to have, I feel very alone.
So the question of the day I ask myself and I want you to ask yourself is, “What about me?’ If you put your deepest desires first, as a filter for every decision and action, what would you do next?