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#30daysofvulnerability2017 #cancercaregiver #badwidow #day28
The topic of burial vs. cremation is a somewhat controversial one. David and I talked about it and decided on cremation because there were places we loved and I wanted to be able to take him back there. Cremation is less expensive than burial and the service does not have to be done so fast. I was beyond numb after he died and did not want to rush. David Beynon Pena also liked the idea of being a portable Dave.

His ashes were delivered in a plastic bag, inside a big blue box. Inside was a certificate guaranteeing it was really his mortal remains. I put the box on the bookshelf behind our wedding picture. I didn’t quite know what to do with it.
As I walked around NYC, I kept coming across places where we had been together or that he had told me stories about. I kept wanting the ashes with me to spread in these places but they were home on the shelf. I had a glass vial which had held bath salts (below in the photo) so I took a special spoon and filled it with his ashes. A friend, also bereaved, joked that this was the ‘beyond’ in Bed Bath and Beyond. The vial travels in my purse every day and the ashes are scattered in places I love and he loved so I have more than one place to visit and feel his presence.

When my Mom and I went to the January 21st March in DC, we couldn’t have glass so I took a tiny plastic vial for pills (below in the photo), wrote his initials all over it and carried that with me. I use this one also if I go dancing and or am carrying a smaller purse.

I have heard lots of different ways of dealing with this topic: burial vs. cremation and what to do with ashes. It’s an incredibly personal choice. Some might accuse me of being disrespectful. I know that David would be highly entertained and delighted by what I have chosen to do. And so am I. I feel him even more in the places where I have scattered them.

“It is such a mysterious place, the land of tears.” The Little Prince by Antoine de St.-Exupery