#30daysofvulnerability2017 #badwidow #cancercaregiver #BreneBrown#day1
March 13, 2015, I started a 30-day vulnerability challenge because I thought Brene Brown lied when she said vulnerability was a superpower. I was wrong.
So I am going to do it again about my experiences as a caregiver and bad widow. At that time, less than two years before Dave died, we were both working all the time at multiple jobs. The passion between us had waxed with the busyness of life and I had no idea how to get it back. What a difference a year made. If I knew as much about intimacy and love as I learned in that last year, where, by the end, I weighed 30 lbs more than he did and feared to crush him, wow. Hindsight can be cruel too.
But I’m going to jump to a conversation I had on Saturday with a friend. Sensuality and sexuality remind me I am alive. And, as a widow, there’s no place for those feelings to go and it’s not entirely OK to even have them.
A friend, L, told me to go get a Rabbit and I wanted some help on the best kind to buy.
Trying to be discreet, I asked a friend, J, “Can you tell me the best kind of Rabbit to get?”
“I don’t know very much about rabbits.”
“Well, what about A? Maybe she knows about Rabbits.”
“Oh no, she’s allergic to the fur.”
“Not THAT kind of Rabbit!” I exclaimed.
“Why didn’t you just SAY so!!!”
Yeah, a day in the life of a bad widow…