Grief saps my vitality unexpectedly. Out of steam, need a nap. I have been working so hard and fast in anticipation of this moment.

Here are the projects I am in the midst of:

  • FB #30daysofbrave2017 challenge finishes 4/30 and FB #30daysofpoetry starts 5/1 
  • I am adding in live streams 3x a week, starting Wednesday
  • Launch 3 Pillars for an Affluent and Joyful Life, Your Way mini-series, starting 4/20
  • Recorded an upcoming guest podcast this morning
  • For BadWidow, 1-on-1 consulting: Navigating the Seasons of Grief for the bereaved and Caregiving Is Not for Sissies for caregivers
  • Affluence Code consulting and workshops about leveraging your unique affluence code strategies to attract ideal clients, work with teams and keep bosses happy
  • Start two podcasts, Affluence Code and BadWidow, twice a month each. ETA June/July
  • Multiple BadWidow and Affluence Code books, and a book of poems
  • Photographing and selling Dave’s work, plus putting together gallery shows and publishing his book

Two days ago, I did my laundry. Before I could fold it, I was totally exhausted. So the laundry is still laying around on chairs and the bed is not made because the sheets were in there too. I have been sleeping in a sleeping bag. Perhaps tonight, I can put on the clean sheets and sleep inside their delicious coolness. Or maybe not.

If you are a caregiver or bereaved, you may have moments like this too. Be gentle with yourself. It’s confusing to be so capable and so helpless at the same time. This too shall pass. There is no predictable timeline. Surrendering to your own ebb and flow of energy is the ONLY option. Ask for help if you can.

If you love someone like this, don’t be critical of what looks like laziness. It feels more like a bone-deep lassitude, sapping strength from my bones. I remember once, when Dave and I were getting ready to go to the oncologist, his Mom came over with her walker. The apartment was a mess. I was rushing around pulling together the prescriptions to see what was running out, reviewing side effects since the last appointment. She sat down in the living room, looked around and said, “Your place is really a mess. It makes me feel so much better about mine.” It broke me.

Don’t do that. Caregivers are stretched to the max and beyond. People who have lost a loved one are doing everything they can to make it through the day. Sometimes, there’s no energy left to make the bed. Even though it seems like an easy thing to do. And I am ashamed that it isn’t easy today. This kind of misunderstanding happens often between caregivers and the bereaved, and those who love them and want to support them.

Tomorrow, I’m having lunch with a friend and maybe my energy will be BACK. Please.