When Dealing with Stuff After Death Is Overwhelming

When Dealing with Stuff After Death Is Overwhelming

Dealing with stuff after the death of a loved one is overwhelming – all the hopes and dreams of a life together, all the decisions you will now make alone, in the midst of your grieving, seem impossible. David left his 500 square foot studio filled with easels,...

Six Poems Since January 2017

Listening to Waves Listening to waves, the moon calls me and the blood of my womb answers, Although I no longer bleed. Emotions surge, drift, toss. Lifting small creatures from the sea floor, Snails, sea urchins, seaweed, sea slugs. No choice, taken, seized, only to...

The 2nd Year Still Sucks As I Move On

I had the idea that my life would be easier once I got through my 1st year without David. So I toughed it out through the summer where there were no specific landmark days but I couldn’t go to Maine because there were a million memories of him painting, of...

Why choose to call myself Bad Widow?

Down by the East River, Blown by the Wind I am often asked why I chose to call myself bad widow. It’s astonishing to me how often people vehemently object to it. And even tell me that bad widow will have consequences, even lead to misunderstandings which could...

Navigating the many layers of loss

A loss like mine has many layers, not all of them obvious. I was married to David Beynon Pena for almost twenty years, nearly half my life. I lost my beloved husband to terminal cancer after fighting for his life for eleven months. Cancer is everywhere. ONE –...

Waking Up to Dread

Waking up to dread almost every morning. With people and activities to look forward to, still I wake up to dread. Like this rocky shore, I know I will traverse it. But I must go through the dread first. In the beginning, the emotion was disbelief, followed by...