Six Poems Since January 2017

Listening to Waves Listening to waves, the moon calls me and the blood of my womb answers, Although I no longer bleed. Emotions surge, drift, toss. Lifting small creatures from the sea floor, Snails, sea urchins, seaweed, sea slugs. No choice, taken, seized, only to...

The 2nd Year Still Sucks As I Move On

I had the idea that my life would be easier once I got through my 1st year without David. So I toughed it out through the summer where there were no specific landmark days but I couldn't go to Maine because there were a million memories of him painting, of laughing...

Why choose to call myself Bad Widow?

Down by the East River, Blown by the Wind I am often asked why I chose to call myself bad widow. It's astonishing to me how often people vehemently object to it. And even tell me that bad widow will have consequences, even lead to misunderstandings which could harm...

Navigating the many layers of loss

A loss like mine has many layers, not all of them obvious. I was married to David Beynon Pena for almost twenty years, nearly half my life. I lost my beloved husband to terminal cancer after fighting for his life for eleven months. Cancer is everywhere. ONE - The...

Waking Up to Dread

Waking up to dread almost every morning. With people and activities to look forward to, still I wake up to dread. Like this rocky shore, I know I will traverse it. But I must go through the dread first. In the beginning, the emotion was disbelief, followed by...

Loss When They Live

Living on the razor's edge of life and death, my living on without him, his dying in my arms on September 10, 2016, for eleven months was exhausting. And enlivening. It focused our priorities in a newly urgent way. We said, "I love you," multiple times every day...

Stop Apologizing to Me

Don't apologize that your loss is 'less' than mine. If it's a parting of the ways, not a death. If it's a beloved pet, not a person. If it's not a person or a pet but a business or a home. Many times, friends who have gotten divorced expressed their grief, anger,...

FB 30 Days of Poetry Day 5 – there is a crack

I was just watching my brother's group, The Conspiracy of Beards sing one of Leonard Cohen's songs on Facebook and one of the lines in it caught my attention. I had forgotten or was intentionally ignoring this fact because, if I acknowledge this reality, I hurt to...

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Six Poems Since January 2017

Listening to Waves Listening to waves, the moon calls me and the blood of my womb answers, Although I no longer bleed. Emotions surge, drift, toss. Lifting small creatures from the sea floor, Snails, sea urchins, seaweed, sea slugs. No choice, taken, seized, only to...

The 2nd Year Still Sucks As I Move On

I had the idea that my life would be easier once I got through my 1st year without David. So I toughed it out through the summer where there were no specific landmark days but I couldn't go to Maine because there were a million memories of him painting, of laughing...

Why choose to call myself Bad Widow?

Down by the East River, Blown by the Wind I am often asked why I chose to call myself bad widow. It's astonishing to me how often people vehemently object to it. And even tell me that bad widow will have consequences, even lead to misunderstandings which could harm...

Navigating the many layers of loss

A loss like mine has many layers, not all of them obvious. I was married to David Beynon Pena for almost twenty years, nearly half my life. I lost my beloved husband to terminal cancer after fighting for his life for eleven months. Cancer is everywhere. ONE - The...

Waking Up to Dread

Waking up to dread almost every morning. With people and activities to look forward to, still I wake up to dread. Like this rocky shore, I know I will traverse it. But I must go through the dread first. In the beginning, the emotion was disbelief, followed by...

Loss When They Live

Living on the razor's edge of life and death, my living on without him, his dying in my arms on September 10, 2016, for eleven months was exhausting. And enlivening. It focused our priorities in a newly urgent way. We said, "I love you," multiple times every day...

Stop Apologizing to Me

Don't apologize that your loss is 'less' than mine. If it's a parting of the ways, not a death. If it's a beloved pet, not a person. If it's not a person or a pet but a business or a home. Many times, friends who have gotten divorced expressed their grief, anger,...

FB 30 Days of Poetry Day 5 – there is a crack

I was just watching my brother's group, The Conspiracy of Beards sing one of Leonard Cohen's songs on Facebook and one of the lines in it caught my attention. I had forgotten or was intentionally ignoring this fact because, if I acknowledge this reality, I hurt to...