Why choose to call myself Bad Widow?

Down by the East River, Blown by the Wind I am often asked why I chose to call myself bad widow. It's astonishing to me how often people vehemently object to it. And even tell me that bad widow will have consequences, even lead to misunderstandings which could harm...

Navigating the many layers of loss

A loss like mine has many layers, not all of them obvious. I was married to David Beynon Pena for almost twenty years, nearly half my life. I lost my beloved husband to terminal cancer after fighting for his life for eleven months. Cancer is everywhere. ONE - The...

Waking Up to Dread

Waking up to dread almost every morning. With people and activities to look forward to, still I wake up to dread. Like this rocky shore, I know I will traverse it. But I must go through the dread first. In the beginning, the emotion was disbelief, followed by...

Loss When They Live

Living on the razor's edge of life and death, my living on without him, his dying in my arms on September 10, 2016, for eleven months was exhausting. And enlivening. It focused our priorities in a newly urgent way. We said, "I love you," multiple times every day...

Stop Apologizing to Me

Don't apologize that your loss is 'less' than mine. If it's a parting of the ways, not a death. If it's a beloved pet, not a person. If it's not a person or a pet but a business or a home. Many times, friends who have gotten divorced expressed their grief, anger,...

FB 30 Days of Poetry Day 5 – there is a crack

I was just watching my brother's group, The Conspiracy of Beards sing one of Leonard Cohen's songs on Facebook and one of the lines in it caught my attention. I had forgotten or was intentionally ignoring this fact because, if I acknowledge this reality, I hurt to...

FB 30 Days of Poetry Day 4 – radio silence

A friend reminded me today that the reason I may be struggling to get traction is that I'm still grieving. Oh yeah, I keep trying to forget that. Next week is seven months since Dave passed away. There is a real push/pull, friction/flow between harkening back to what...

FB 30 Days of Poetry Day 3 – wishes don’t always come true

When I was a child, we used to blow the seeds from dandelions and watch them fly away to take root in a new place. It's a good analogy for what's it's like to be bereaved. I wish David was still alive but he's not so my personal landscape is forever changed by an...

SHOP

SHOP

Subscribe to our mailing list

* indicates required

Why choose to call myself Bad Widow?

Down by the East River, Blown by the Wind I am often asked why I chose to call myself bad widow. It's astonishing to me how often people vehemently object to it. And even tell me that bad widow will have consequences, even lead to misunderstandings which could harm...

Navigating the many layers of loss

A loss like mine has many layers, not all of them obvious. I was married to David Beynon Pena for almost twenty years, nearly half my life. I lost my beloved husband to terminal cancer after fighting for his life for eleven months. Cancer is everywhere. ONE - The...

Waking Up to Dread

Waking up to dread almost every morning. With people and activities to look forward to, still I wake up to dread. Like this rocky shore, I know I will traverse it. But I must go through the dread first. In the beginning, the emotion was disbelief, followed by...

Loss When They Live

Living on the razor's edge of life and death, my living on without him, his dying in my arms on September 10, 2016, for eleven months was exhausting. And enlivening. It focused our priorities in a newly urgent way. We said, "I love you," multiple times every day...

Stop Apologizing to Me

Don't apologize that your loss is 'less' than mine. If it's a parting of the ways, not a death. If it's a beloved pet, not a person. If it's not a person or a pet but a business or a home. Many times, friends who have gotten divorced expressed their grief, anger,...

FB 30 Days of Poetry Day 5 – there is a crack

I was just watching my brother's group, The Conspiracy of Beards sing one of Leonard Cohen's songs on Facebook and one of the lines in it caught my attention. I had forgotten or was intentionally ignoring this fact because, if I acknowledge this reality, I hurt to...

FB 30 Days of Poetry Day 4 – radio silence

A friend reminded me today that the reason I may be struggling to get traction is that I'm still grieving. Oh yeah, I keep trying to forget that. Next week is seven months since Dave passed away. There is a real push/pull, friction/flow between harkening back to what...